Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Shoot the cow

Also from the online version of The Evening Times, dated October 21, 2008, in which a cow drop goes horribly, horribly wrong:

...the day didn't end so well for Bossy.

The noise apparently frightened the cow and she bolted for the corral, injuring one spectator during her escape attempt...the cow ran to the Woods and Jackson Streets area. Officers tried to contain the bovine until its owner could arrive.

West Memphis Police Department Detective Ken Mitchell said the cow appeared to be very agitated.

"The cow made its way to Elizabeth Lane when the owner arrived," Mitchell said.

Several families with children live in the area.

Again officers tried to contain the animal but it kept charging officers while the owner tried to get the cow under his control.

When it charged officers a third time, police had to kill the animal.


Just awesome. The classic small-town news story, Cow loose downtown, but with a decidedly Tarantino-ish twenty-first century edge: cops calmly execute cow after numerous warnings. Take that, cow!

Complications

From the online version of The Evening Times, dated October 21, 2008:

Around 8:30 p.m. Thursday, two males robbed the [Dollar General] store on Interstate 55 in Marion...Both robbers were described as having dark complications.


Now that's romantic and brooding. Yes, they're criminals. Robbers. But they were driven to it by the dark complications in their lives.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Mild irritation

From The Evening Times, October 17, 2008, regarding flu shots:

Those who may suffer from mild irritation after receiving the shot but the vaccine does not cause the flu.


What? Was this sentence translated into Spainsh (via Babelfish), then French, then back to English? Because something isn't tracking here.

While they last

From The Evening Times, October 17, 2008, regarding a Halloween party:

This should be a variety of costumes, live music, dancing, finger foods and T-shirts while they last.


Ouch. You'd thing it would hurt to let your participle just dangle like that. Or perhaps they're stating the obvious for the not-so-bright reader: There will be a variety of costumes, live music, dancing, finger foods, and t-shirts while they last. After that, there will be none. So arrive early!

Seriously, though. I don't expect Wolfe- or Thompson- or Woodward-type quality from my modest hometown paper, but damn. Grammar? Spelling? Correct word usage? Or maybe just some type of editorial process? There's no evidence of one.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Confusion at the polls

From the online version of The Evening Times, October 16, 2008:

Early voting ends Monday, Nov. 3 at 5 p.m.

The General Election is Tuesday, Nov. 6.

Voters can go to the following locations to vote on Nov. 4...


Okay. In the first sentence, they give the correct date for the day before the election. In the third sentence, we get the correct date for voting.

And the second sentence just totally shits the bed.

Now, really. I can understand not wanting to do the hard work required to, I don't know, call someone with a calendar or ask the guy at the next desk. But, when you have all the correct information in the article you are working on and you fail to use deductive reasoning? And it's not like one date was at the beginning of the article, one was in the middle, and one was at the end. They're all right there together. Bang bang bang.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The economic arm.

From the online version of The Evening Times, October 15, 2008:

A shot in the economic arm is what many people are hoping is the results of a railroad connection line soon to be constructed in Turrell.


If this sentence were a person it would be a teenager, about 6'2", bone-skinny, covered with acne, and gifted with a cracking voice, a tendency to blush, and inappropriately timed erections. It's that awkward.

Let's try this:

Many people are hoping that a railroad connection line soon to be constructed in Turrell will be a boost for the community's economy.


Though I do hate to lose the talk about the "economic arm." Is an economic arm larger or smaller than a baby's arm?

And it's about a school. Oh, the irony.

This one makes my brain hurt.

From the online version of The Evening Times, October 15, 2008:

School board okays land sale

The land the Patriot water tank that overshadows the football field has a new owner.

Marion Mayor Frank Fogleman asked to purchase the land the water tank, which was constructed on in 1979. The school board agreed to sale land to the city in 1976 when funding for the tank was being put together...

Marian Smith, Assistant Superintendent for Curriculum and Instruction, spoke on several issues...


A few things:


  • That first sentence. What? I get that the land has a new owner. But we also have a dropped-in phrase from one of those sports books (like Wally Loomis Scores a Touchdown) boys read in middle school: "the Patriot water tank that overshadows the football field..." That is rather poetic. You get the mascot and the long shadow of the water tank falling across the field in the golden light of a late afternoon in October. A+ for creative writing, C- (and a note to clarify) for the construction of the sentence.
  • "The school board agreed to sale land to the city..." They can agree to sell, or agree to the sale, but they can't to both in the same sentence.
  • "Marian Smith...spoke on several issues..." Where did she do this? From the headline and the content of the rest of the article, I can deduce that it was at a school board meeting. Where did this happen? When? Why isn't it clearly stated that all of this was talked about at a school board meeting? Do they, hopefully, offer basic journalism classes at this school?


And a little bit further on:

First year teachers are required to have a mentor that are matched with new teachers based on the same subject and interest areas.


One mentor for many new teachers? I don't think so, but hell, anything is possible.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Blown cash

From The Evening Times online archives, dated October 14, 2008:

Apparently, this guy left a bag of money on the back of his truck.

It looked like money from heaven late Thursday but someone has a lot of cash they is not theirs.


They is not, indeed.

According to a spokesman for the Crittenden County Sheriff's Department, $3,900 was has been returned but another $30,000 is still missing. Inside the pouch were money bands designated for $10,000 but not cash was wrapped in them.


Two things:

  • "...was has been returned..."
  • "...but not cash was wrapped in them."


What was wrapped in them? Crumb comics? Monkey feces? Jelly beans? Why do you taunt us with this mystery?

Big Changes

From the online version of The Evening Times, October 14, 2008:

The Times announces the promotion of Mike Douglas to the position of managing editor...


Well, good. An editorial change is needed.

Douglas has been the managing editor of The Marion Ledger since it began publishing four years ago. He has been with Crittenden Publishing Company for a total of eight year.


This, however, does not fill me with confidence. The Marion Ledger (no website available, which certainly inspires a surge of confidence) makes The Evening Times look like the New York Times.

"I am excited about the position and will make every effort to keep the Times a local newspaper," Douglas said. "I'd like to see more of the folksy, hometown news and photos. With the help of our community, I believe we can continue to improve the Times and make it the best community newspaper in the state."


This I totally agree with. All kidding aside, I like my hometown newspaper. I want it to succeed. But for a paper like The Evening Times, they are never, ever, ever going to compete trying to cover regional or national or international news. They shouldn't even try to cover Memphis news unless it has a direct impact on Crittenden County. The niche market that a small newspaper has to serve in the twenty-first century is the local community. Cover the hell out of local stories. Take a stand on issues and let the editorial page explain them. As a native, I can say people in northeast Arkansas don't care what's happening in Little Rock. Memphis is the capital of our part of the country, so dump all the extra Arkansas coverage. Focus on the local. Or you're not going to make it.

He is a 1977 graduate of the University of Memphis with a degree in journalism with a concentration in press photography.


A photographer? Again with the surge of confidence. Here's all I ask: proof this shit before you print it. It's not hard. Make every writer have two other people proof anything before they send it up the line. Have someone above them who knows spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Leave fact-checking and final approval to the people on up the ladder. I'm not one to tell people to buy Microsoft products, but Word can solve most of the issues I point out here.

In conclusion: welcome, Mr. New Editor. Don't burn your paper's credibility by putting out a product that appears to be written by a dyslexic fifth grader.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

In for ten years, up for parole in five.

From The Evening Times online archives, dated October 7, 2008:

In that clash, fans packed the bleechers to their maximum and spilled over to the surround the field, sometimes five- and six deep at the fence.


You remember Bleecher, right? He was the guy on Oz.