Shoot the cow

Also from the online version of The Evening Times, dated October 21, 2008, in which a cow drop goes horribly, horribly wrong:

...the day didn't end so well for Bossy.

The noise apparently frightened the cow and she bolted for the corral, injuring one spectator during her escape attempt...the cow ran to the Woods and Jackson Streets area. Officers tried to contain the bovine until its owner could arrive.

West Memphis Police Department Detective Ken Mitchell said the cow appeared to be very agitated.

"The cow made its way to Elizabeth Lane when the owner arrived," Mitchell said.

Several families with children live in the area.

Again officers tried to contain the animal but it kept charging officers while the owner tried to get the cow under his control.

When it charged officers a third time, police had to kill the animal.

Just awesome. The classic small-town news story, Cow loose downtown, but with a decidedly Tarantino-ish twenty-first century edge: cops calmly execute cow after numerous warnings. Take that, cow!

Complications

From the online version of The Evening Times, dated October 21, 2008:

Around 8:30 p.m. Thursday, two males robbed the [Dollar General] store on Interstate 55 in Marion...Both robbers were described as having dark complications.

Now that's romantic and brooding. Yes, they're criminals. Robbers. But they were driven to it by the dark complications in their lives.

Mild irritation

From The Evening Times, October 17, 2008, regarding flu shots:

Those who may suffer from mild irritation after receiving the shot but the vaccine does not cause the flu.

What? Was this sentence translated into Spainsh (via Babelfish), then French, then back to English? Because something isn't tracking here.

While they last

From The Evening Times, October 17, 2008, regarding a Halloween party:

This should be a variety of costumes, live music, dancing, finger foods and T-shirts while they last.

Ouch. You'd thing it would hurt to let your participle just dangle like that. Or perhaps they're stating the obvious for the not-so-bright reader: There will be a variety of costumes, live music, dancing, finger foods, and t-shirts while they last. After that, there will be none. So arrive early!

Seriously, though. I don't expect Wolfe- or Thompson- or Woodward-type quality from my modest hometown paper, but damn. Grammar? Spelling? Correct word usage? Or maybe just some type of editorial process? There's no evidence of one.

Confusion at the polls

From the online version of The Evening Times, October 16, 2008:

Early voting ends Monday, Nov. 3 at 5 p.m.

The General Election is Tuesday, Nov. 6.

Voters can go to the following locations to vote on Nov. 4...

Okay. In the first sentence, they give the correct date for the day before the election. In the third sentence, we get the correct date for voting.

And the second sentence just totally shits the bed.

Now, really. I can understand not wanting to do the hard work required to, I don't know, call someone with a calendar or ask the guy at the next desk. But, when you have all the correct information in the article you are working on and you fail to use deductive reasoning? And it's not like one date was at the beginning of the article, one was in the middle, and one was at the end. They're all right there together. Bang bang bang.

The economic arm.

From the online version of The Evening Times, October 15, 2008:

A shot in the economic arm is what many people are hoping is the results of a railroad connection line soon to be constructed in Turrell.

If this sentence were a person it would be a teenager, about 6'2", bone-skinny, covered with acne, and gifted with a cracking voice, a tendency to blush, and inappropriately timed erections. It's that awkward.

Let's try this:

Many people are hoping that a railroad connection line soon to be constructed in Turrell will be a boost for the community's economy.

Though I do hate to lose the talk about the "economic arm." Is an economic arm larger or smaller than a baby's arm?

And it's about a school. Oh, the irony.

This one makes my brain hurt.

From the online version of The Evening Times, October 15, 2008:

School board okays land sale

The land the Patriot water tank that overshadows the football field has a new owner.

Marion Mayor Frank Fogleman asked to purchase the land the water tank, which was constructed on in 1979. The school board agreed to sale land to the city in 1976 when funding for the tank was being put together...

Marian Smith, Assistant Superintendent for Curriculum and Instruction, spoke on several issues...

A few things:

• That first sentence. What? I get that the land has a new owner. But we also have a dropped-in phrase from one of those sports books (like Wally Loomis Scores a Touchdown) boys read in middle school: "the Patriot water tank that overshadows the football field..." That is rather poetic. You get the mascot and the long shadow of the water tank falling across the field in the golden light of a late afternoon in October. A+ for creative writing, C- (and a note to clarify) for the construction of the sentence.
  
• "The school board agreed to sale land to the city..." They can agree to sell, or agree to the sale, but they can't to both in the same sentence.
  
• "Marian Smith...spoke on several issues..." Where did she do this? From the headline and the content of the rest of the article, I can deduce that it was at a school board meeting. Where did this happen? When? Why isn't it clearly stated that all of this was talked about at a school board meeting? Do they, hopefully, offer basic journalism classes at this school?
  

And a little bit further on:

First year teachers are required to have a mentor that are matched with new teachers based on the same subject and interest areas.

One mentor for many new teachers? I don't think so, but hell, anything is possible.